Am I entitled? Am I lazy? Am I just whining and feeling hard done by because I think I’m a special little snowflake? Am I just a stereotypical millennial? This is something that has been on my mind lately, and I’m not sure if I know the answer.
If you’re one of my email subscribers, you probably know by now that I’m not really a fan of the daily 9-5 gig (although I’m still doing it). I think most people feel that way from time to time. You consider calling in sick when your alarm goes off, even if you ultimately drag your ass out of bed and get going. You wonder if it’s possible to quit your job and just backpack around the world for a year. You daydream about winning the lottery and imagine giving your boss the finger as your ride off into the sunset in your new convertible.
We’ve all been there, right? But for the most part, you like your job, your colleagues are cool and you head into the office every morning cuz that’s just what you’ve gotta do.
I’m really struggling with it, though. And I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? Or if maybe I really am just different? I’m not sure.
I hate waking up before the sunrise every day. I hate driving into the office and then sitting at a desk all day. I feel antsy. Fidgety. It’s hard to concentrate, even though I actually like what I do and I’m good at it. I get overly frustrated with administrative red tape and office politics. By the time I get home, it’s dark out again (hurray for Canadian winters). I am burnt out. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t go to the gym. I don’t cook. I don’t go out with friends. I just crash and, when the weekend rolls around, I need a full day lounging in bed just to recover.
When I tell my mom how much I struggle with getting up and going to work, she reminds me that I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had. She tells me that I’m lazy and that the rest of the world hates working too, but they suck it up and do it.
This makes me feel really guilty. I don’t want to be seen as lazy. Or spoiled. Or entitled. I actually do want to work hard, to continue learning and improving in my field and to make a difference… I just don’t want to do it shoved into a desk in an office downtown. I want to do it my own way. Is that wrong? Is that a bad thing? Is the fact that I don’t want anybody telling me what to do the thing that makes me a ‘special snowflake’?
My friend Rachel, a life coach who works with people looking to find passion in their careers, assures me that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just one of those people who prefers more autonomy and freedom.
My favourite auntie says I am exhausted because I’m using up all of my energy to conform to the corporate structure. And the guilt I feel is because I am betraying my true self. She tells me to use my day job to pay the bills and work towards what I really want. I’ve tried to do things the conventional way, so now it’s time to do things my own way.
Who is right?
All I know is that I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder. I don’t want to be a manager or a director. I don’t want to lead my colleagues.
I want the freedom to work on cool marketing projects that I find inspiring. I want to sleep in til 9 every day and work from my couch in my PJs while I sip coffee. I want to make a difference in my brother’s business and help him and his wife grow their company. I want to teach other business owners all the interesting things I know about Facebook and Google Ads and attribution modelling and building marketing funnels.
I want to be a wife and a mother (someday soon I hope) and have the energy to do things for my (hypothetical) family without feeling torn between work and home. I want to stay home with my children but still feel like I’m a strong and intelligent woman who is contributing to the world and the economy and making her own money.
I guess I want it all. I suppose if it’s possible, then why shouldn’t I try to make that happen? Why should I conform just for the sake of conforming if there’s another option out there?
Does that mean I’m selfish? Am I an entitled millennial snowflake? Am I ‘what’s wrong’ with this generation?
If I am… Well… so be it, I guess. Cuz teaching is what I’m passionate about and I’m determined to have it all.